“I’m proud of my heart. It’s been played, burned, and broken, but somehow still works.” – Anonymous.
The above quote seems like an excellent place to start this article.
Most of the time, when people consider cheating, they do not stop to consider the effect it has on their partners.
If they did, they probably would not do it.
They would be discouraged by factors other than what their partners would feel.
They would also consider the fallout of being caught at it or the stress of keeping up the pretense for a long time, and suddenly, they may lose their desire to cheat.
When you cheat on your spouse, it can be the most difficult of times for your partner, especially if they had no idea of what was happening until they finally caught you.
Being cheated on is classified firmly among the most horrifying things that can ever happen to anyone in a relationship.
But what is the extent of the damage and hurt that happens to a partner when they discover they are being cheated on?
This is what we aim to explore in this article.
Perhaps seeing what cheating can do to your spouse will dissuade you from doing it.
5 Terrible Things Cheating Does To Your Spouse
1. Self-blame
This is a common aftereffect of cheating on your spouse.
It is funny how they end up blaming themselves for something they didn’t do, but they do.
It is almost inevitable for them to wonder if they didn’t somehow push you into cheating.
They may spend extended periods pondering their actions in the past, obsessing over the areas they believe they could have done better.
Perhaps they should have made themselves look good enough for you.
Maybe they should have been more intimate and invested more in the relationship.
The list of things to blame themselves for is endless.
There is nothing that makes you feel as insufficient as being cheated on, and no one likes to feel inadequate.
Regardless of what may have happened in the past, moping around over what could have been wouldn’t change things.
The best thing in this situation is to move forward.
However, cheating on your partner makes it difficult for them to move forward.
If not for anything, then for the sake of saving your partner this stress, you may need to reconsider your thoughts of cheating.
This leads me to the next point.
2. Low self-esteem
The unanswered questions from self-blame may make your spouse develop low self-esteem.
They may find themselves wondering if things could have been different if they were taller, curvier, slimmer, or more muscular.
The messed up thing about feeling this way is that they begin to rationalize their spouse’s cheating.
They may begin to find themselves comparing themselves to the person you cheated on them with and feeling like they do not measure up.
They start questioning themselves and feeling like they are not good enough for you.
This lack of self-esteem is terrible and can turn a confident person into someone who is so uncertain about life that they need other people’s approval for everything.
3. Anxiety
Cheating on your partner is likely to trigger feelings of anxiety in them, and this shouldn’t be surprising.
You have just rocked your partner’s whole life; the relationship hangs in the balance and the lives of your children as well (if you have any).
Cheating on them has turned a relationship that was supposed to be secure into an unstable affair with no further security for them.
I remember being in a relationship with a lady who later cheated with her best friend’s guy.
She confessed to me and asked for forgiveness, stating that it only happened once, and I believed her.
I loved her so much that I agreed to continue the relationship.
However, I noticed that I got anxious whenever I saw her with a male friend.
Whenever I called, and she couldn’t pick up, different thoughts would swirl through my head.
It got too much for me to handle and we had to end the relationship.
Now, imagine this scenario in the context of marriage.
A healthy marriage is built on the foundation of trust, and once that trust is broken, Gobe (meaning trouble)!
What do you think happens when the foundation of a house is broken?
4. Bitterness
A person who has experienced too many heartbreaks may become embittered about relationships.
They may even hold a cynical view of love and anything related to it, and who can blame them?
After loving hard, they were betrayed by the person they gave all to.
Such an experience will likely leave a scar that may never heal.
Whether they remain in the relationship with you or not, it doesn’t matter.
This bitterness is probably something they will nurse continually.
Thus affecting their future relationship prospects.
This reminds me of when I asked a lady out, and she rejected me.
Her reason for doing this wasn’t that she didn’t “want to bleed on me.”
I remember pushing for more because I felt I could handle anything, but now, I understand her reason better.
In her way, it was her declaration of love, avoiding a relationship with me because she felt she hadn’t healed from the past enough to carry on a successful relationship with me.
Cheating on your partner has the effect of ruining your partner’s future relationship prospects.
5. Loss and regret
There is this feeling of loss that hits your partner after they discover that they have been cheated on.
It is a feeling of loss on several levels, and whether they stay or go, things will never remain the same for them.
They start to regret everything, including their relationship with you.
It is even worse if you both have kids together.
I have heard stories of mothers taking out aggression on their children because their fathers cheated.
Can you even blame them?
My friend shared how his mom used to beat him silly as a child during bouts of anger because of how much he looked like his dad, who betrayed her trust.
How can you expect such a battered person to be a wholesome parent to the children?
When your spouse cheats, it changes your worldview and makes you skeptical of the world and love.
You may never even see them the same way again.
Apart from the intimacy of relationships, one of the major things that makes a romantic relationship stand out is the sense of companionship and comradeship that partners have for each other.
The ease of the gist, the sweet banter, the laughter… All of these may be gone for a while or forever.
Don’t get it twisted. I am not saying that you can’t make your relationship work once again after cheating on your spouse, but it would take a lot of work.
You may be able to rebuild a different and equally valuable relationship to the one you felt you had, but you’ll never replace what you once had.
That’s because cheating always leaves its mark on the relationship and your partner especially.
This is why you shouldn’t cheat in a relationship.
If you feel like the issues in your marriage can still be salvaged, do your best to save it.
Seek professional help if you must, but cheating is not the solution in any situation.