Just like foundations matter when building a house, they also matter in relationships.
Think of something happy bringing you together…
Perhaps “love at first sight” or a shared passion for lawn tennis bringing you together…
The fact is that most people will prefer to have a happy story about how they met their lovers.
Something that can be spoken about without feeling shame or guilt.
But when your love story begins with an affair, it can feel a little like talking about some forbidden act.
It totally taints an experience that should be one of the happiest of your life.
In fact, you may feel like there is a dark cloud hanging over your relationship, and this brings about the question… “Do relationships that start with cheating last?”
All relationships have their own unique challenges, and so I would be lying to you if I said that relationships that start normally last and go on smoothly.
However, when a relationship starts with cheating, there are many additional hurdles that may put a strain on the relationship and end up bringing it to a premature end.
Do Relationships That Start With Cheating Last? – 4 Additional Hurdles You May Not Find In Normal Relationships
1. The foundation is faulty
As we have already established from the beginning, affairs start differently for most healthy, long-term relationships.
They generally start as a result of some sort of dissatisfaction or discontent with the original relationship.
You may say you went into the affair because you found out you didn’t love your partner anymore or your partner wasn’t treating you well enough, but the fact is that a major part of the appeal of affairs is the fact that they are illicit and forbidden.
Just like in many of us, it may have given you a sort of perverse pleasure to engage in something so forbidden.
In fact, this makes the person you were cheating more intriguing, more appealing, and a little mysterious – all the things you wanted in your partner.
But what happens after the affair becomes your official relationship?
When the forbidden becomes accepted, and you can no longer derive that pleasure you get from doing something illicit, what is left to keep you interested in the relationship?
The fact is affairs are built on the foundation of deceit, fantasy, and a desire to escape the reality of life.
For this reason, affair partners live in a grand illusion and don’t exactly see their partners for what they are.
However, when it becomes a serious official relationship, they may wake up from the dream and realize that a lot of things are not as they seemed.
You may start to view each other in a new light that emphasizes every flaw and imperfections.
2. Resorting to cheating is an indication of poor conflict-resolution skills
This is another hurdle that most relationships that start from affairs face.
Every relationship has its challenges.
A successful relationship is a testament to the fact that both partners are properly invested in the relationship and committed to amicably finding solutions to issues that may arise in the relationship.
A successful relationship doesn’t mean a smooth relationship.
The fact that cheating seemed to be an option to you in your last relationship is a sign that you do not have the proper conflict resolution skills required to make a relationship successful.
If you are starting another relationship with the person you had an affair with, you must never forget that the relationship is not paradise.
And if it is paradise, there can be trouble in paradise sometimes.
Without working on your communication and ability to resolve conflicts, you may end up cheating again.
Practice effective communication and try to resolve issues without holding on to grudges and your relationship may just go on fine.
3. Family Acceptance
Talk about “it’s just you and I, baby” all you want, family acceptance is another important factor that guarantees a successful relationship.
This is especially true for a relationship that starts with an affair.
If a relationship that starts from an affair somehow has a strong enough foundation to create a healthy relationship, family acceptance can still botch things up.
Cheating is not an act that is smiled upon, and cheating spouses are not generally well thought of.
It is hard to make parents understand why you felt that you had to cheat, even if your relationship seemed to be fraught with issues.
It even gets harder for the person you cheated with.
Perhaps your parents may find it easier to accept you because you are family, but they still show their disapproval of you.
How much worse do you think they would treat the person you cheated with?
There’s also the disdain for anyone who engages in a relationship with a married person.
They are viewed as homewreckers and are typically shunned.
So, if you have had an affair that has now turned into a relationship, you must realize that accepting both of you as a couple may be an additional hurdle.
The hostility may be another factor that militates against the relationship.
4. Trust issues
I guess you have probably been waiting for me to mention this…
Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship.
In fact, without trust, a relationship won’t work.
Even in relationships that have normal beginnings, trust can be a great problem.
The moment a person can make a choice to cheat on their partner, it means they are not trustworthy.
I know you probably have a lot of reasons for why you cheated…
“It just happened.”
“She wasn’t satisfying me.”
“He didn’t love me.”
“I was bored.”
But cheating is a choice, and you made that decision intentionally.
The fact that you decided to break your commitment to your previous partner with your present partner makes it even worse.
At the beginning of the relationship, you and your current partner may feel like you are in paradise, but I assure you that it’s just the calm before the storm.
If you are trying to build a healthy relationship from an affair, then I must inform you that you have an uphill struggle ahead of you.
Even if you feel like the affair brought you into contact with the “one for you” or you feel like you are soulmates, there will always be that nagging worry that it will happen again.
Your trustworthiness will be doubted at the first appearance of any form of trouble.
The likelihood that either of you would ever completely trust each other is especially slim.
You will always wonder if your partner is cheating on you the same way they are wondering about you as well.
This is not to say that relationships that start as an affair have no chance of lasting long.
It just means that you have to work at it harder than people who have relationships with normal beginnings.
If you are reading this and you are having an affair, you may want to consider if you have exhausted all the approaches to resolving your relationship issues.
If you haven’t, you might need to get back to your real partner.
The thing is, there are no relationships without ups and downs, regardless of how they begin.
However, the challenges of a relationship that starts with cheating are significantly greater.