This quote by Gemma Halliday strikes a chord with me.
I think I agree with her submission that cheating is never an accident –it doesn’t just happen.
It is an intentional decision on the part of the cheater, or if you are insistent on making excuses for them, a major part of their subconscious has already decided to cheat.
This brings the question, “Can people cheat on someone they love ?”.
The answer is yes.
Look, I wish I could say it was a “no,” but in the world we live in, there are sometimes no absolute answers.
Cheating is wrong and doesn’t happen in the spur of the moment.
Cheating leaves an indelible mark on the victim and the relationship.
If cheating is a conscious decision and it leaves such a negative mark on the person you love, why do people decide to do it to people they love?
To know exactly why people cheat on the people they love, we will be diving into the mind of a cheater to decipher the weird and not-so-weird reasons why they cheat on their partners.
Why Do People Cheat On People They Love?- 7 Common Reasons
1. They have commitment issues
Falling in love with someone doesn’t automatically confer the determination and resilience to stay committed to that person.
The ability to totally commit to a relationship is increasingly getting scarce.
In fact, we are almost at a point where people who exhibit this ability may be viewed as superheroes.
This generation especially has issues grasping such ideas as being faithful to your partner.
This is why there seem to be a lot of “new” ideas flying around–from open relationships to situationships and one-night stands; we are steadily losing that noble art of dedication and commitment to our relationship.
It is very possible for a person to genuinely love you, but without a complete understanding of commitment, they may cheat on you for some of the most silly reasons ever.
Reasons like, “I was bored” and “it was just sex”.
If they don’t fully understand what it is to be committed, they may cheat on people they love.
To have a successful relationship, people must learn that commitment is key.
You can’t claim to love someone and still want to be with just about every other attractive person who catches your fancy.
The relationship won’t work until you finally decide to be committed to your partner.
2. They suck at setting boundaries
Boundaries are essential in just about every relationship.
Clearly defined boundaries can save the world from having a third world war.
In the same way, clearly defined boundaries can save your relationship from reaching a dead-end.
People sometimes cheat on the people they love because they don’t know how to set boundaries in their relationships with other people.
Really, there are some kinds of attitudes that you should only accept from your partner.
However, if you don’t know how to set boundaries, you will accept just about anything from anybody.
So you are in a relationship, and an attractive friend or coworker is making moves on you, you must firmly end this by setting boundaries.
“Ooh, don’t do that; I do not appreciate it. We are just friends.”
“We are just coworkers, don’t get the wrong idea.”
These are examples of clearly defining relationships and boundaries to protect yourself from making the “mistake” of cheating on someone you love.
Sadly, many people suck at this and hence, cheat on people they love in their moments of weakness.
3. Unmet expectations
It is surprising, but you can truly love someone and still be unhappy with them.
This may be caused by unmet physical and emotional needs.
When this feeling of fulfillment is absent in a relationship, it may push one of the partners to do things they shouldn’t do.
It is possible that all you need in your relationship is something as basic as someone to listen to you while you rant or talk about your day, expectations, ambitions, and struggles.
It is very frustrating for such a basic need to be left unmet by a partner, and it even gets worse when someone out there satisfies this need without complaints.
It could also be unmet sexual needs.
Sometimes, couples may struggle to meet each other’s needs in the “other room.“
All these are very dangerous situations that should be handled with care because they can lead to the dissatisfied partner seeking satisfaction outside the relationship.
The truth is that loving someone doesn’t mean they will always be perfect for you, even if they love you in return.
There may be times that they just seem not to be satisfying you.
The mature thing to do is to talk things out with your partner and find ways to resolve the situation.
4. Low self-esteem
Self-esteem issues can actually be a reason why people cheat on people they love.
How do self-esteem issues make someone want to cheat?
I will tell you about someone I know.
This guy had a great relationship with a beautiful girl, and she seemed to embody anything a man could want in a woman.
She was beautiful and intelligent and had a fantastic job that paid her about five times the amount he received from work.
All these attributes made the rest of us wonder how he got so lucky.
Things were going smoothly for the first few months, and it didn’t seem like he was intimidated by her success.
However, he was, and with time, he began to feel like he needed to measure up to her standards.
He saw her male friends and couldn’t stop comparing himself to them.
At some point, he just got it into his head that she would leave him for one of her attractive and wealthy male friends.
To save himself from the heartbreak that only he could foresee, he ended up cheating with another girl–one he considered to be his type.
This self-sabotage ended the relationship, of course, and the underlying cause was a sense of low self-esteem.
When you feel this way, the right thing to do is talk to your partner about how you’re feeling.
Cheating never solves anything.
5. Influence of friends
Most of the time, the kind of company we keep actually determines what we will do.
No matter how diverse a group of friends are, you will notice that they share several behavioral characteristics.
It is very easy to get carried away when you have friends who keep encouraging you to do things you would rather not do.
Over time, you may end up caving under the pressure of their influence.
When someone relates very closely with friends who cheat, they may cheat.
If you realize that your circle of friends is exercising a terrible influence on you, it may be the right thing for you to distance yourself from them.
6. Boredom
As I said earlier, this is a ridiculous reason for cheating on someone you love.
However, people actually cheat on people they love because they are bored and need a little more excitement in their lives.
No matter how passionate your relationship is, it can’t always be exciting.
Sometimes, relationships will just settle into this slow rhythm that reminds you of the pace of life in some backwater village.
The mature thing to do is to enjoy this peaceful period.
Some people find it difficult to do this, though.
They may subconsciously seek a way off the boredom track by doing something entirely out of character, like having a fling.
A moment of boredom shouldn’t be allowed to destroy a loving relationship.
If you feel bored in your relationship, do something different.
Hang out with your partner.
Do something fun.
Get a new hobby.
Try new things together.
7. Anger
Conflicts are typical in even the most loving of relationships.
No matter how much you love your partner, they sometimes make you angry.
The strength of a relationship is made even more evident in how you resolve conflicts in your relationship.
Leaving an argument with adequate resolution is just a recipe for disaster.
It can lead to long-standing and deep-rooted anger.
This may, in turn, push you into finding comfort in someone else’s arms.
Partners should learn to resolve conflicts effectively through honest communication.
Love is more than just mere words.
It’s a feeling that can’t be described accurately.
Beyond the beauty of feelings and romantic gestures, love is about a commitment to always cherish and remain faithful to your partner despite all the odds and the other attractive people you may meet.