Hmmmm!
The thought of a married ex wanting to be friends is enough to draw a heavy sigh for me.
A sigh of relief because I am thankful not to be in that position.
It is a really dicey one.
Breakups can be ugly, most of the time, and if, after so many years of being apart, your married ex appears on the scene, you may be actually right to try to define their reason for showing up in your life again.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you can’t be friends with an ex.
I am just saying that waiting so many years to get married before coming back in search of friendship could pose a question of motive.
If you are in this situation and asking yourself why your married ex wants to befriend you, come along!
This article may be the answer to your inner turmoil.
5 Reasons Your Married Ex Wants To Be Friends With You
1. They just want to be friends
You were probably expecting to see some earth-shattering revelation first.
However, this is as valid a reason as any other.
Your married ex may want to be friends with you just because they want to be friends.
No sinister purpose.
You may want to ask why they didn’t realize they wanted to be friends long ago.
The fact is that we get older and more experienced as the years pass by.
Let me paint a scenario here;
Perhaps your relationship ended under a dark cloud with both of you giving each other the third degree before going your separate ways.
You may have done so for some ridiculous reasons.
Perhaps she was immature then and had a flippant way of responding to issues, or you just decided you weren’t compatible because of unmet expectations.
Time has a way of softening some of the things that happened in the past, and suddenly, with several years between, such conflicts may begin to look as silly as they are.
Your married ex may have decided that whatever reason for the conflict between you was too silly to stop you from being friends.
They may also realize some good qualities that make you a good friend.
Qualities that they might have forgotten in the heat of the breakup.
I know it’s hard to imagine that a married ex may want to be friends just because she wants to be friends, but it is possible.
Try to keep an open mind.
2. They feel guilty about the breakup
Another reason your married ex may want to be friends with you is because they feel guilty about how things ended between you.
Perhaps things ended badly between the two of you, and in hindsight, they realize they were at fault.
They may have cheated on you, lied to you, or hurt you in some other way.
They may have even broken up with you so abruptly.
Whichever way it ended, the fact is that they now feel guilty for it and are trying to make amends by being friendly with you.
This may seem like a noble act, but it may also be a selfish gesture.
Your ex may be trying to ease their conscience without caring about your feelings.
Now, just imagine this:
Someone hurt you terribly years ago.
You went through severe trauma and must have scraped the very bottom of your existence with how low you went.
Finally, you have gotten a grip on yourself and proceeded to move on with your life, then the person who hurt you shows up again, this time with a truce flag.
Regardless of how peaceful their approach is, you will remember all that was done to you in the past.
Things you have tried so hard to forget.
3. They miss your friendship
This is another important reason you may want to consider.
Your married ex may want to be your friend because they miss being friends with you.
This is especially true if you and your ex used to be good friends before dating.
Maybe you had a lot in common and enjoyed each other’s company.
You may have shared some hobbies, interests, or passions your ex doesn’t share with their spouse.
As a result, your married ex might want to reconnect with you as a friend without any romantic or sexual intentions.
This may seem like an innocent and harmless reason.
However, it could be risky.
Your married ex may harbor no feelings for you.
But what about you?
Have you really gotten over them?
Or will you begin to feel butterflies flutter in your stomach when they smile at you?
The fact is that you may end up catching unnecessary feelings and setting yourself up for another heartbreak.
Consider your options carefully.
4. They are having issues with their marriage
This is the first reason that comes to mind when a married ex comes back, wanting to be friends.
You may be inclined to presume that there is trouble in paradise instantly, and you will probably be correct most of the time.
Even the best marriages have conflicts.
Perhaps your ex seems to have more of that than they want.
So much that they suddenly remember you with fondness and want to reconnect with you.
They only want to reconnect; at least, that’s what they tell themselves.
But on some levels within them, they know they want more from you.
They know they need you to stand in as a backup plan in case their relationship hits a dead-end.
In this situation, it is left for you to decide if all you deserve from life is to be a backup plan for your ex.
How will you know if this is the case?
Oooh, there are subtle intel you can pick up on.
They may appear to be very stressed.
They may also drop occasional hints that things are not going smoothly in their relationship.
Some others will actually come clean to you under the guise of confiding in you.
You may be tempted to feel like their confidant, but you need to ask yourself if that’s all there is to it, or you may soon be in way over your head.
5. They are bored
Another reason your married ex may want to be friends with you is that they are bored and need some excitement in their lives.
Marriage and relationships always have those times when things are relatively calm and quiet.
If your ex is the kind of person who is thrill-seeking, the reason they are trying to be friends is probably because of boredom.
They may want to have an affair, a casual fling, or something like a friends-with-benefits arrangement with you.
This offer may seem tempting to you, especially if you are still single.
However, it could be dangerous.
If this is the reason for the friendship offer, your ex is cheating on their spouse or planning to.
You may not be so concerned about the fate of your ex’s spouse, but think about what will happen if the same thing happened to you.
If you agree to be friends with them again, you will end up being used and dumped by them.
Throw in the fact that you may ruin your relationship if you are in one, and you will realize that it is not such a good idea.
What To Do If Your Married Ex Wants To Be Friends With You?
If your married ex wants to be friends with you, you have to decide what is best for you and your situation.
There is no right or wrong answer, but here are some things to consider before deciding:
1. How do you feel about your ex?
Do you still love them, hate them, or feel indifferent towards them?
2. How do you feel about their marriage?
Do you respect it, or do you resent it?
Do you wish them well, or do you wish them ill?
3. Do you have clear boundaries?
Are you clear about the boundaries they must maintain around you?
Or do you have trouble saying no?
Are you a people pleaser?
4. How do you feel about being friends with your ex?
Will being friends with your married ex benefit you or harm you?
Depending on your answers, you might decide to be friends with your married ex, or you might decide to cut them off.
Whatever you decide, make sure you are honest with yourself.
Don’t let them manipulate you, pressure you, or guilt-trip you.
You are under no obligation to be friends with an ex.
Don’t ever forget this.